I will have a child: what to prepare for?

Imagine how we will feel, becoming parents, almost impossible. And even more it is difficult to imagine what questions we will be worried first of all. The writer and anthropologist Jennifer Senior, asking parents and specialists, called the five difficulties, which should be thought about in advance.

Loss of independence

You just were a completely independent person, lived as they wanted and did what you like. And suddenly you became a parent and completely disconnected from the rhythms of normal adult life. It is no coincidence that psychologists consider the first years of parenthood the most unhappy in human life. These are the years spent in the bunker, quite short relative to the whole life, but often seeming endless. Independence that parents once perceived for granted simply disappears.

One dad who decided to raise children at home himself told his group, which consisted of the same “housewives” fathers, about a meeting with a former colleague flying on a business trip to Cuba: “I see completely free people. They do what I would like to do, but I have a family. Did I want to have a family? Yes, I wanted to. Does the joy of communicating with children give me joy? Yes, it delivers. But to engage only in the family from day to day it is sometimes hard. The opportunity to do what you want, and when you want it, rarely falls out “.

Regret for unfulfilled dreams

Until recently, what the parents wanted https://idematapp.com/wp-content/pages/oceanbreeze-casino-a-comprehensive-review-for-gamblers.html was not taken into account at all. But today we live in an era when the map of our desires has expanded markedly. And they say to us that satisfying them is our right (to be honest, even an obligation). At the end of the last century, historian John Roberts wrote: “In the twentieth century, people more than ever before it became clear that happiness is quite achievable in this life”. Of course, this is wonderful, but this goal is not always possible. When our expectations do not live up, we begin to blame ourselves. “Our life turns into an elegy of unsatisfied needs and the sacrifice of desires, rejected opportunities and unlucky roads,” writes British psychoanalyst Adam Phillips (Adam Phillips). “The myth of the potential turns mourning and complaints into our most real actions”. Even if our dreams are not feasible, if they were false from the very beginning, we still regret that they have not come true.

Today, adults have even more reasons for suffering in uninhabited lives: they have more time to study their potential before the birth of children. According to the American National Statistical Bureau, in 2010, the average age, in which a woman with higher education decides to start the first child, was 30.3 years old. The report says that women with higher education “usually give birth to the first child more than two years after marriage”. The consequence of this is a sharper contrast between life before the birth of a child and after this event.

Lack of sleep

Of all the suffering of young sleep, the thing is the most unpleasant thing. But most future parents, no matter how much they warn them, do not even have ideas about it until their first child appears. It seems to them that they know what a lack of sleep is. But there is a big difference between constant lack of sleep and random insomnia. One of the leading specialists in the deprivation of sleep David Dinges says that in the perception of a long lack of sleep, people are divided into three categories: those who cope with this normally;Those who feel unwell, and those for whom this is a complete catastrophe. The problem is that future parents have no concept, which category belongs to until they have children.

No matter what type you belong to – and David Droges believes that this is an innate line equally characteristic of both men and women – the emotional consequences of lack of sleep are very serious and deserve a deep analysis, which was carried out by Daniel Caneman and his colleagues. Scientists studied 909 residents of Texas and found that they estimated the time spent with children below than spent on washing. Women who slept 6 hours or less often talked about a lack of happiness than those who managed to sleep for more than 7 hours. The difference in the feeling of well -being was so striking that there was even a difference in sensations between those who earned less than $ 30,000 annually, and those whose annual income exceeded $ 90,000. (Journalists expressed this difference more figurative. “The hour of sleep costs $ 60,000,” they wrote. This is not entirely true, but close to the truth).

The quality of work is suffering

The computerized house supports us with the belief that we can maintain previous working habits and at the same time raise children. People are proud of their ability to switch from one task to another, and then back, but our species such behavior is not characteristic of what many studies prove. Mary Shervsky (specialist of Microsoft) believes that when switching from one task to another, we cannot process information quite high quality. Information is not preserved in long -term memory and does not push us to the most reasonable and accurate elections and associations.

In addition, switching from a task to a task forces us to waste time, because a deep immersion in the work requires certain efforts. And this is in the office! The quality of work suffers even stronger when we try to work from home. Distracting in the office – for example, an email from a colleague – usually do not cause emotional tension. When the children distract you, emotional tension increases sharply, and it is very difficult to cope with strong emotions.

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